The Hardest Part
by nolongeractivedfgdfgd
Summary: Jacob had to get away when the rejection became too much. Only this journey could end up being more dangerous than he could have ever imagined, and he may just have to rely on his mortal enemies and his lost love to get him through it.No character bashing
1. Chapter 1

**So I now that a lot of people do not like Jacob, so I'm not sure how you guys are going to take to this story. But he is my favorite character and I haven't seen many stories dedicated completely to him, from his point of view, so I wanted to give it a shot. This starts off right after the war with the newborn vampires in Eclipse. It's my take on the what happened between Bella and Jacob, and the story will continue differently from there. So I guess you could call it an AU. Hope you like it.**

"Don't do this Jacob, please don't."

"Bella, please…"

I knew I sounded pathetic. My voice was low and desperate, scratchy from not being used, and the pain I was feeling, both physically and mentally. The worst part was that all I was doing was pleading for her just to turn around and talk to me, _look_ at me. But I'd gotten used to sounding desperate and pathetic. It was like a norm for me now, if I wasn't groveling at her feet, begging her to give me a second glance, I didn't know what I'd do with myself. I didn't know when I'd been reduced to this but I really wish I'd seen the change happening; I'd have savored my last moments as a free man. Then again, I didn't really remember much of my life before Bella had walked into it, and part of me didn't really care. She was all I could see anymore, all I knew.

It must have been the fact that I was broken in more ways than one, that I somehow looked smaller, weaker, maybe more vulnerable, but after a second she did turn around. There were tears in her eyes and I could see she was trying not to cry. The more selfish part of me wished she would cry, at least then I could pretend that she was crying because she wanted to stay with me, not because she felt sorry for me.

"Jake…" Her voice was soft now, like she was the one doing the pleading and I just stared. Now that I had her attention, I didn't know what to say. I think I'd more just wanted her to stay with me than anything.

"Bells," The nickname fell easily from my lips and I tried to sit up but she quickly walked over, kneeling beside the couch and used her frail human hand to push against my chest. I gave up and let her. She was afraid I was going to hurt myself. She was probably right, but nothing could hurt me more than what I'd done to myself just by having her here. I looked at her again from where I was lying and frowned, "I love you."

Finally, one crystal tear descended down her cheek and she nodded, "I love you, too."

"Can't that be enough?" I asked her, and I hated the way my voice broke on the last word. It sounded as weak as I looked and felt.

This time Bella shook her head and avoided my eyes. I didn't want that. I wanted to see her so I reached for her face and gently turned it towards. I tried to smile when another tear fell from her eye. I took back what I'd thought earlier. I hated seeing her cry.

"I'm sorry," I said, although I didn't know what I was apologizing for. I just wanted her to stop crying, I wanted to remember her as I always knew her; Beautiful, happy, healthy Bella.

She seemed to have figured out what I was talking about, though; I wished she'd share it with me because now I was curious. "It's okay, Jake," she said as she leaned up higher on her knees and her lips met mine for the briefest of moments. Our lips molded together, warm, soft, and _perfect_. The lips of soul mates ripped apart by an outside force that I couldn't possibly understand, despite the burning love I felt for her.

Bella pulled away and my body felt cold, although I knew that was impossible. She hugged me then, and I couldn't believe I ruined the moment by gasping in pain. One of my ribs was setting wrong and it was painful. Carlisle would be back soon to fix it. Bella pulled back, an apologetic look on her face.

"Are you going to be okay?" she asked me softly and I nodded.

Bella nodded too, "When?"

"I don't know," I told her honestly, and this time we both knew we weren't talking physically anymore.

She got up once more, and this time I didn't try to stop her. It was harder now, but in the long run it would be easier. This was my goodbye, my final goodbye, the last time I was ever going to see her. I just had to make sure of that, I couldn't take this anymore. It was sort of what I'd imagine jumping out of a plane would be like. You were scared, you knew what the outcome would be, and even though you knew you had to, the hardest part was letting go.

"Goodbye Jake," Bella whispered as she reached the door, turning back to face me.

"Bye Bella," I replied, feeling that familiar tear in my heart widen as I watched her go. She stared at me for a second and the sting of tears gave away my grief, though I didn't let them fall. Then she was gone, and I know that it's cliché, but I'm positive my heart really did break in that moment. It hurt worse than my broken ribs, more than a thousand knives; it was the worst pain imaginable.

It was in that moment, that I didn't have to be strong for her, that I didn't have to be the dependable, sarcastic werewolf, my pack didn't need me, and my dad couldn't see me, that I could just be Jacob Black. It was in that moment that I let myself fall apart. Tears ran unhindered down my face as I tried to get up. I needed to get out of here, away from this place, where her scent still lingered, where the echoes of our conversation still haunted me.

I got two steps away from the couch before I fell to my knees and felt my ribs do something very unpleasant. I groaned in pain, squeezing my eyes shut, and wrapped my arms around myself. Looks like Carlisle had a bigger job now. I mentally apologized for giving the doctor more work to do; he'd been good to me.

I needed to leave, but I knew it was impossible right now. I practically dragged myself back to the couch, thinking of where I would go as soon as I wasn't incapacitated by my injuries. I tried to close my eyes and sleep, but the aching hole in my heart throbbed. I imagined Bella's lips on mine, thought of her voice, and the smell of her hair, and the throbbing mellowed to a small ache. It helped. I wondered if it would always be like this, if I was ever going to be happy again. I didn't think so, I missed her already. I fell asleep, dreaming about a world without vampires.

**Well, would you guys like me to continue or is it horrible? Reviews are really appreciated since if the first Twilight I've ever written. Thanks in advance :)**


	2. Chapter 2

**Ch. 2 Breathe**

_I see your face in my mind as I drive away. Cause none of us thought it was gonna end that way. People are people and sometimes we change our minds. But it's killing me to see you go after all this time._

It seemed like years before I wasn't confined to the couch anymore. I'd spent each day snapping at a new member of the pack before they all got sick of it and left; everybody except for Seth that is. The first day he came, Leah was with him, probably just for support or something. Or maybe some part of her actually felt guilty for putting me in the situation in the first place. Though I doubted it. In any case, after I threatened to rip her head off she left. But Seth stayed; he actually thought it was funny. I swear nothing bothers that kid. Every snap, eye roll, insult, he just let it roll off his shoulders and grinned at me. It annoyed the hell out of me because he didn't get it. I _wanted_ everyone to leave me. It would just make it easier when I left everybody else.

Then finally, _finally_ I got the okay to be up and around again. I was supposed to take it slow, but that wasn't exactly what I had in mind. The only problem was, Seth was attached to me at the hip. Every movement I made, he made it at the exact same time, it was like having a shadow that could talk and annoy me.

"Do you need help, Jake?"

"Can I get you something, Jake?"

"Maybe you shouldn't be walking so much just yet, Jake."

I loved him like my own brother, I really did, but I was ready to throttle him. At the same time, he looked up to me, looked at me like I had all the answers, which god knows wasn't true, and that made me feel guilty for what I was about to do, which was leave.

It went on like this for days, until I finally got fed up. I had made up my mind a long time ago and feeling guilty for leaving my pack wasn't going to stop me. I could go on forever being miserable and making everybody around me miserable or I could break off and keep my problems to myself. It seemed like a no brainer.

It was two in the morning when I decided to go, not to be theatrical or anything, making my great escape in the dead of the night; I just wanted to make sure I wasn't going to be followed. I also avoided phasing for obvious reasons. That could wait until I was far enough away that it didn't matter anymore.

I ran on two legs, swiftly and quietly through dense forest. It felt good; of course, not as good as it would have felt as a wolf, but close. As I prepared to leave my own world behind, I decided there was one last stop I needed to make, because as much as I needed to get away, I couldn't fight the addiction that was Bella.

I climbed up her window with ease without even thinking about it before the smell hit me. The realization hit me like a ton of bricks. My last memory of Bella was going to be of her and her leech. I couldn't help it though; I needed to see her face, just one last time. I'd thought our goodbye was going to be enough but it hadn't been. That longing in my heart was like the pull of gravity, but instead of pulling me down, it was pulling me to her.

"Jacob."

I heard my name well before I was through the window and standing in her room. The parasite sounded displeased that I was here, but I figured as soon as he heard what was on my mind his mood would change drastically and he would be happy as a clam.

I nodded towards him and a look of realization crossed his features. I paid no attention to him anymore, tried to block out his arm holding her close, the way she seemed to sleep so peacefully in his embrace and memorized her features.

"You can't do this Jacob." Edward's voice was quiet in his attempt not to wake Bella and I sighed as I reluctantly looked his way.

"I thought you'd understand," I said, my voice honestly surprised. Was Edward really that selfish that he wouldn't let me just _see_ Bella one last time? "Just… let me have this, okay? You win. I get it. I'm out of here as soon as I'm done here."

"You misunderstand me," Edward whispered, "You cannot leave her. It will make her unhappy, she has an… attachment to you."

I looked at Edward, feeling an unimaginable rage growing inside me as I comprehended what this stupid bloodsucker was saying. He wasn't mad that I was here right now, he was made that I was leaving? Because it would make Bella unhappy? Because she wanted it both ways and was mad that she couldn't have it? What about my happiness? What about the pain that I had to deal with every single day? Seeing them together was like a constant beat down, and once I thought it couldn't get any worse, I was kicked again. I had nothing left to give. _Nothing._

"I suppose it is selfish of me to ask this of you," Edward said. He'd obviously been listening to my inner rant, "But when it comes to what Bella wants, well… There's nothing I wouldn't ask of anybody. I can't deny her of anything."

I'd heard enough. With a scoff I turned away. "She made her choice. She chose you." The words still stung, saying them out loud, even though I'd thought them in my head a million times. "She doesn't need me."

"In her own way she does," Edward argued, trying to maneuver out of her grasp.

"Stop it. You're gonna wake her up," I snapped. I couldn't deal with that now, if she begged me to stay, I wouldn't be able to leave.

"Let her say goodbye to you. It will hurt her deeply if she can't," Edward was practically begging me now and I shook my head.

"I said my goodbye already, I can't do it again."

Besides, there was only one goodbye that I could think of that would be absolutely perfect, and one, it would require her consent which wasn't going to happen, and two, I wasn't here to start an all out war.

Edward heard those thoughts loud and clear and I could hear his seething hiss as he tried to keep himself composed. "Goodbye Jacob," Edward said through gritted teeth.

"Stupid bloodsucker," I muttered, and was out the window before another word could be spoken.

_The story will pick up and have more action after this, but this back story is necessary. I hope you liked the second chapter, thanks for reading :)_


	3. Chapter 3

_Well here it is, the third chapter to this little story. Thank you to my reviewers so far, your words of encouragement are what keeps this story going. I'm excited to see where this takes me and I hope you're enjoying so far. The chapter after this is where the action picks up a little bit. Thanks for sticking with me!_

**Ch. 3 In the End (It Doesn't Even Matter)**

_I tried so hard and got so far. But in the end, it doesn't even matter. I had to fall to lose it all, but in the end it doesn't even matter._

Numb. That's what I felt as I walked from Bella's house towards… Well, towards nowhere really. That was the kicker right there, I was travelling without a destination. I had nowhere to go, nowhere to be, and soon I would belong to nobody.

Actually, that thought was somewhat comforting. I would belong to nobody, I would be under no obligations, my life would be _my life_, and nobody else's. So when I did screw up, and I knew sooner or later I would, I would have nobody to blame but myself. It took a lot of weight off my shoulders; the responsibility that had come with being Ephraim Black's grandson was gone. One more thought fleeted across my mind. If that responsibility was gone, then who was I, now?

I couldn't resist anymore. My body was shuddering as my legs pumped harder, my bare feet pounding against the cold, hard ground. And suddenly I was flying, my human form no longer constraining my strides. I ran, pushing myself to go faster, further, furious snarls ripping from my throat. My whole world was falling apart from the inside out and it was all because of her. I hated what I'd become, the fact that I no longer knew _who_ I was. I wanted to hate her for it, too. The only problem was that no matter how hard I tried, I was desperately in love with her. What was wrong with me?

I could still hear my pack, their voices in my head urging me to come back, begging me not to do this. They knew exactly what I was planning to do and dismembering from the pack was what they were afraid of. It would cause so much grief, incredible pain; it would be like a death in the family. I couldn't bring myself to care.

_"Jacob come back, you don't know what you're doing, don't do this,"_ I heard Sam's voice in my head and I tried to block it out. I did know what I was doing which was what made it so selfish and so immature. I'd heard those last three words so many times in the last few days. _Don't do this_. I was always doing something that I shouldn't be, loving the wrong girl, leaving at the wrong times…

I ignored Sam and willed myself to go faster, although I knew I was running out of steam and would have to stop to rest soon.

_"Come on Jake, please? Come back."_ That was Seth's voice, and I heard Quil echoing an agreement with him.

Finally I found it in me to reply, instead of centering my thoughts on theirs, I let my mind convey exactly what I wanted it to.

_"I'm sorry you guys," _I thought, somberly, _"I'm out."_

_"You can't mean that!"_ I heard Seth argue, his voice sounding close to tears. That's when I felt bad for somebody but myself for the first time since I'd spoken with Edward.

_"Quiet Seth,"_ Sam said, and I could practically hear the whine in Seth's voice as he shut up. _"Are you sure about this Jacob? Is this what you really want?"_

_"I'm out,"_ I repeated, glad that I wasn't speaking because I know my voice would have broken when I heard my pack's reaction.

A collective gasp, a few 'no's' and Sam's solemn sigh later, their voices disappeared and I was alone in my head. It was the strangest feeling, almost stranger than when they'd first been there. The silence was a little unnerving. I had to practically force myself not to run back right then and there and beg them to take me back.

That thought was what made me keep running, if I turned back now I'd never get out of there again. Or worse, they'd turn me away and then I'd really feel like the outcast. So I kept going, feeling my legs burning, my chest heaving with exertion. My lungs felt like they were on fire, my mouth was dry, and I could barely breath, but I pushed and I went further, and faster, until everything began to look the same to me.

I had no idea where I was. I knew I was no longer in Washington, was I even still in the country? The trees all blurred together to look like one massive background of green on brown, I could feel my pace starting to slow no matter how much I pushed now, my head felt too heavy to hold up, and the ground was spinning like a bad amusement park ride. My vision blurred and the spinning intensified, and that's all I remember before hitting the ground.

_R&R? Thanks :)_


	4. Chapter 4

**Ch. 4 **

I groaned as my eyes opened and the world was still spinning. Only this time it was because I was actually moving. Why was I moving, again? I blinked a few times, trying to clear my hazy mind and my blurred vision before I realized I was being pulled. Actually, it seemed like my arms were being pulled out of my sockets. Wait, hadn't I been a wolf when I fai- no, wait, when I blacked out. That sounded less feminine. Guys don't faint.

I lifted my head slightly and frowned trying to figure out just what was going on. I knew for sure now. There were two pairs of strong arms on either side of me, pulling _my _arms like I was some ragdoll across the ground. I didn't recognize them. That's when another sense came back to me; Smell. I could smell them and my insides twisted up. They were vampires and they obviously weren't a big fan of werewolves. Either that or they felt bad for me and had decided that, werewolf or not, they should take me in… I grimaced to myself, thinking that that probably was not the case.

Groaning, I twisted my body a little bit and that seemed to get their attention. They stopped mid-drag, to which my bare back was grateful and stared at me, wide grins on their faces.

"Well good morning, pup," The vile creature on the right side of me greeted, his eyes flashing dangerously with hunger… thirst.

"Leeches," I hissed, confirming that fact to myself, my temper sky-rocketing as they looked at me, all bloodthirsty gazes and sickening grins.

"We're so glad that you've finally decided to grace us with your consciousness," The left one remarked, pulling on the arm she was grasping as she raised my body up a little bit off the ground. My mind was mush, working fervently to catch up with the situation. When it finally did, the disgusting parasite was taking a long, deep whiff of the exposed flesh on my wrist. My heart was hammering a harsh beat in my chest and they seemed to enjoy that.

I finally got a good look at them. Their faces were both twisted into ruthless, sadistic, smirks. Their skin wasn't pale white like the Cullens' had been, or like the other vampires I'd fought had been. No, their color was closer to mine, a sort of russet color, though theirs was also sort of faded, like they'd been half erased or something.

The last feature I noticed, most prominent and disturbing were their eyes. It may have just been the contrast against their darker skin, but their eyes were a deep, crimson red, darker than the eyes I'd seen on the newborns only a few weeks ago.

"For a dog, I must say you smell-" The left one, the woman, if you could call her that, took another deep breath before finishing her thought, "Simply delectable."

At those words, my mind was fully aware of the danger I was in, and I finally started to struggle. I twisted out of the left one's grasp, though he seemed overconfident that his friend could handle me; Big mistake there.

I growled as I prepared to attack. "You're going to let me go, you filthy-" I didn't have time to complete the threat before I felt something suddenly… Wrong. It was as if my entire body was made of stone, my brain was sending my limbs commands but they weren't listening. I was no longer struggling, couldn't struggle to be exact, I wanted to, god I really wanted to, but I couldn't. My horror must have shown in my face because suddenly my captors were laughing.

"Don't be too concerned, mutt, we're not going to kill you," The male vampire's grin grew impossibly wider as he grabbed my other arm once again, and they were both sniffing at me like I was a steak dinner, "Yet."

"Stop," I growled out, my mouth the only thing that could move. The words weren't as threatening as I'd hoped they would be, considering the situation. I was sort of running out of ideas.

"It's been a long time since we've been quite this lucky," The woman announced, scraping her teeth across my arm but not puncturing quite yet. I didn't know what she meant by that, but I had a feeling I'd find out. I could feel my body shuddering under the touch, my natural defense mechanism kicking in and I wanted to phase. But I couldn't. Apparently, whatever was happening to me prevented me from phasing as well. Perfect.

"He's confused, love. Why don't you explain since he's been so kind as to provide dinner," The male said, his voice calm, as if he was discussing the weather rather than eating somebody.

She smiled down at me, her beautiful features actually looking down at me like I was a child trying to learn to read or something. "Of course. My name is Alana, and this is Jeremiah," Her velvety voice purred, "What you're experiencing now my canine friend is a temporary paralysis. From what Jeremiah's been able to see of your past, a little hint of his ability mind you," she added as she began speaking once more, "You know about the abilities some of us vampires possess. Now you know ours. Struggle all you want, it will get you nowhere…" She flashed her teeth at me, and I guessed it was supposed to be a grin, "This gift of mine, it makes it easier to feed."

"I think that's enough talking," Jeremiah whispered, his words no longer conversational. He was looking at me with that same thirst I'd seen before, only now it was multiplied, as if he'd just been reminded of it. I would have been struggling my hardest now if I could move.

"Definitely," Alana's voice hummed with anticipation, "With the way this one heals, he should be a good week's worth of fresh blood, wouldn't you say, dear?"

Jeremiah nodded from what I could see and that pretty much had my heart jumping into my throat. They were planning on keeping me somewhere, planning to keep me alive, and bleed me dry until I was dead.

Strung up between the two of them, my right arm in Jeremiah's grip, my left in Alana's, I felt completely helpless, hopeless even. I'd cut myself off from everybody, everything that could save me now, sense the danger I was in. It's what I'd wanted, what I'd been hoping for when I'd told Bella goodbye, run away from home, and told Sam I was out. I'd wanted to be cut off from my old life, I'd wanted to be forgotten, and I'd achieved it. Only problem was, now these vampires had me, and they were moving again, and I _couldn't_ move. Now I was thoroughly and completely screwed. But I wasn't scared I was… Well, okay, I have to admit, I was well and truly terrified.


End file.
